Fifi la Fume TF TG

Nothing is sweeter than fresh Saturday mornings. I am finished washing up for a bright new day of cartoons! And here is the weird part: Someone must have snuck in the bathroom last night and inserted a bottle of men's cologne in the closet. Well, how could I pass up the slightest opportunity? I take a spritz here, a spritz there, and a spritz everywhere! But the strangest part: Its scent, it is like the smell of fresh lilac in the field of buttercups. Ah, the joy of the countryside...but then...bizarre! At first it might be totally bogus, but later it might not be so bad.

While still sniffing myself, my head, it has gone through a rapid change as follows: My hair goes through a serious tint from brown to lavendar, as well as a shift into a feminine style, topping off with a special pink ribbon. My eyeballs have increased in size, with their whites going from white to a light robin's egg blue, and my pupils black and white! Also, three eyelashes are introduced to each eye. My skull, completely reshaping itself to render wider cheekbones with white ruffled fur, which starts spreading all over my face, that pushes out into a muzzle, where my nose shifts into a pink one, slightly larger than a human's, and my mouth is sans le colour and bigger. Concurrently, my ears recede and new purple ones that resemble the ears of a teddy bear pop up near the top of my head, where it starts getting covered by more purple fur. Finally, my voicebox is exchanged for a replication of Kath Soucie's young girly voice, and an accent to, how do you say, boot. A dialect, if you will, from where the smell of life, love, and stinky cheese they go for these days.

As I gasp at the sight of my reflection with this change, I can see that it does not look so tres horrifique. The very stranger part, it is that my newly-mutated head is 2-dimensional. Not that it feels flat like cardboard, but it looks more like it has been covered in outlines. It is true that my head has become traditionally-animated in real-time! It's a complete replica of the head of one Fifi la Fume from Tiny Toon Adventures! But more of the surprise not-surprise-birthday-party sort of surprises are to come on board. I'd say "colour me trouble", but no, it is like a party in purple or I am in serious desire of a fur coat. Meaning more purple fur tickles me pink and totally covering the rest of moi, while white fur continues from chin to *cough* *crotch*.

With my arms slendered up, my hands have gone from five-fingered unfeminine feelers to four-fingered feminine paws. The same goes for the skin on my, how you say, tootsies, going from cinq chiffres to deux-doigts on the paws. Suddenly, a sensation, it burns within me like the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns as the masculinite within me runs away and comes back as le French feminite. Simultanément, either the scenery is moving upward, or I am shrinking!! My guess, the last one, until I am now a mere deux foot tall and the reduced age of thirteen! (Hey, at least the number 13 is tres heureux.) Also simultanément, a mound of fluffy flesh pushes out from my chest while my body is more contour to the feminine look. The sad, not boo-hoo, part is that I am wearing my one-size-fits-all pajamas.

Then, le ouch! The pain, it shoots through my spine as something really big and bushy, I can feel it moving behind me! I turn my back on...SACREBLEU! A tail, so gigantesque, yet so fluffy, about twice my size. I am so freaked out by looking at it! A massive purple tail with a white stripe, bridging from its tip and almost reaching the back of my neck. It is so prehensile, it might have a thousand and one uses. And you know what is weird? The hole where the tail pushed through my PJs fits the base so perfectly, I have the oddest notion that the rest of my clothes, some, more than others, are to change into something more womanly and yet the fitting so tres parfait...I will worry about it later.

Then the smell of life in Paris, it is quite unbearable, and strangely, I do not care! The aroma, so pink and misty, but smells of stinky cheese and grapes. The fact is that it is, how you say, implemented inside my new tail! This is a substance what les scientifiques call a "stink sac", a gland, if you will. And coming from a skunk, how does she take offense to that? I am now an exact replica of Fifi la Fume! All cartoon, and...le blah-blah, le yadda-yadda. But at least the stink-sac won't go off, driving people away...well, most of the time.

As I rush into my bedroom, I open my drawers, and my theoretical conclusion, it is correct! Even the clothes in my closet and shoes have changed as well! Again, some, more than others. But my room, nothing else has changed thankfully. Whatever can I do, going out like this? As I slip off the PJs, here I look even tres beau than ever! Here, I show off a mighty tres chic pose. My reflection, she does the same. Ooh la la, c'est incroyable! No longer shall I deal with real pain, now that I have taken on the body of a toon looking for love. Le préciuex pourpre putois that is moi, Fifi la Fume, French fille of Acme Acres! The tail, it covers me up like a boa constrictor, then frees me again, then oh, the hugs I give to it like a pillow! And adjusting mon ribbon, its pink color really suits me! Le sigh...it is about time this precious little pole-kitty got to walking out into the world! The next hunk I see, what'cha gonna do?